Unconditional Love

Uncontrollably I shake
I shiver in this tangled mess of blankets
They are twisted and wrapped tightly around my ankles
They bind me, for without you next to me
They transformed and attacked me in my sleep

Some say alone you can control
Where your feet glide over the sheets
You can decide where one layer ends and the next begins
Alone you can keep the bed properly laid in place
But without you I forget, and I start to reappear in the tangible world

My essence starts to fade
The glow that surrounds my face is turning grey
My nebulas grow dark, swirling into patterns of charcoal sky
My candlelight is waning as if a wisp of me flickers in the wind
The lightest breeze across my skin, and I’ll cease to exist

Some would say you’re the darkness to my white world
But I believe you are the light in my shadow land
You alone light the trail that my spirit wanders down
With you I can see all things clearly, I can feel who I am
You have opened my eyes to the world

Even in the rumbling of thunder and lightning filled skies
Like a marionette puppet made up of strings
Your hands, your presence bring me to life
The blackest night in your world, is the brightest flame in mine
One glance into your hazel eyes, and all I feel is alive

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I sent it to you like a message in a bottle
I ripped this heart from my chest and
Placed it in that glass case
I told you to guard it well
For it was my very essence

So you heeded my words
Knowing their weight
And you placed the crystal box
In a secret hidden place
Protected it as a valiant warrior

But just as a person cannot exist
Without their certain qualia
I only existed in physical form
Forced faux emotions followed
By the necessary responses

I existed as mass and energy
But my spirit was slowly dying
Everyday the sun rose and set
The more of me it destroyed
I was rotting away

Soon I fell prey to the scavenger
Those that feast upon others suffering
They came to me in the night
Unsuspecting and tired from the continuous day
I was weak and let them have their fill of me

When they had finished
I awoke as if from a sudden dream
Disgusted at my own weakness
How could I allow this to happen
Regardless of the battle, I had given up

So I found new resolve
I forced myself to do more than survive
To be more than a carcass of epidermal skin
To try and find this happiness that I had once dreamed of
That I had once believed as possibility

Then you came to me like a predetermined interaction
You showed me the case, the heart that beat inside of it
Although my body was damaged, bruised, wounded
The heart remained, unscathed
Scavengers may have destroyed my body
But they could not touch my soul

No Title

Knees land on the hard ground
Beg for freedom, pleading for my release
And when you voice echoes
Those familiar words
I run

Escape the wooden prison bars
I fled to the forest, in moss and bark
Shadows surrounding me
I hide in this darkness

Lay upon the green carpet of the wood
Still enough that I do not disturb the dew on the leaves
I grow into the forest, becoming part of it
I am absorbed by its entirety

Let my steps become the footprints
Of animals that have come before me
I know the land and it knows me
I am nothing more than a shadow

But in this release of self
Other things came about
Creatures of the night
That hunger and thirst for blood

And my taste is on their lips
They voraciously hunt
Seeking a supple dinner
I recognize, both freedom and fear

Imprisonment was also safety
In holding me back, you held me in
Containment and curbed curiosity
Equaled a naïve shelter

Without the walls built around me
I run in whatever direction I choose
Regardless of motive
Predators chastise me in the dark
But in the moonlight their hideous snarls
Drive desire into my heat.
Desire to become one of them.

Image

My playlist flows out of the speakers
Like the Aurora has somehow been contained within the screen
As it plays she removes pieces of herself
Identifying them like the distinct layers of a cappuccino
One item at a time she lets them fall
And they seem to float
To the floor

Her tank top is the first to go
It slides easily over her curves
Off her skin, like the outer petals of a rose
Then comes her bra
It is more intricately woven
But eventually it is unharnessed
And finds its place on the tiles
Next comes her boxers; the last to go
But soon a single finger slides
In between her elastic waist line
And her soft skin
Like the drops of water on her skin
It leaves a trail as it gracefully
Comes to rest on the blue ground

She stares long and hard at the
Reflection she sees
Her fingers tracing her bare outline
Trickling over every mound and shape
She looks now at the girl she sees
She is so very different from the girl she saw
A few moments ago

Now untangled from the mess of artificial clothing
She sees that they contained her
They held her soul captive
Now she is nothing more than what God intended,
She is a reflection true to self.
No ornamentation, no accessories, nothing but her.
She inhabits this body but her soul soars
She is happy, hopeful, excited
She likes this new reflection
Because it is finally a genuine image of who she is.

Come to me, My Guardian Angel

I fall asleep with you every night
I place you next to me like a guardian angel
Trusting that somehow by seeing you
You can protect me
You can see my pain

I replay your voice
Over and over again
Hoping that by hearing it
I can have faith
I can draw strength from it

I read your words
Every single line
Depending on them
To see me through the night
To stitch together our hearts

But what good is your image, like two-way glass
I see you; can you seem me?
What good is your voice, a recording of- a past emotion
I hear you; do you hear me?
What good are dreams, when created alone
I understand you; do you feel me?

No?
Then for you I will paint a picture
I will scatter my words as numerous as the
Stars in the sky, whether they are forced or flow
Like a stream. I will write until these tears stop
Until this uneasy feeling has ceased because all I
Feel is written in some lyrical form. Because all that
I am exists in some strange bodily stanza that is
In the shape of me. I do not wish you to read this
To seem me this way, to think of me as weak or vulnerable.
This, this surrender, is new for me. I am never the
Weak one, the one who lets her tears like a thunderstorm
Rain upon another’s lives. I hold them in, building
Until lighting strikes. I’m not the one in pieces, I’m the one
Who helps other pick up their pieces.
This is not who I want you to believe I am.
I want you to know me, the strong me, the dependable
And unconquerable me, but I cannot show her to you.
With you, I hold nothing back, I hide no knife behind my back.
I willingly show you my scars, my cuts, my now open
And bleeding wounds. I throw myself upon you with
No fear of ridicule or rejection. To be judged by you would be
Better than to be loved by any other. My mistakes, stains
Upon what others believe to be my spotless life, are held up to
You for examination. Tell me what you will, say whatever you
May. I do not fear you, I do not hold anything from your light, I simply exist.
In this moment, I breathe, I blink, I live. To live, to let you look upon
Me in all my disarray is an embarrassment and blow to self
That I love to feel. To let you look at me, as lowly and unpleasant as
I truly am, makes me feel alive. Makes me feel real. Better to feel pain from
Acknowledgement than to feel love for something I am assumed to be.
A love like yours is astounding, it is something for only the pure of
Heart to experience, so why then have you come to me oh angel.
Why have you spoken my name in your supple voice, why have you
Uttered desire for me from your lips. Like heavenly tattoos
I see your scars, they are lovely and a sight to behold. But nothing
Could ever match their beauty. Just as nothing could even match
The feeling of honor I have received in just knowing your name.
Perhaps you do not mean to, but you fill my dreams, you walk
In and out of my hourly thought, you possess my body and my spirit.
How do you consume so much of me, how do you hold me
With those invisible hands every night, how do you protect my
Heart after you so slyly stole it from my trembling grasp?
I surrender all that I am to you, my life has been a battle, a never ending
Never winning never gaining battle. I fight for me, for my family for my friends for anyone who needs me who will call my name I fight I do not stop,
Then you come and you tell me lay down that sword. Lay down your spear
Tired warrior, I will fight for you, I will hold your shield up when your arms grow weak, I will be your armor bearer. You, are honorable, noble, cherishable.
My love for you in unconditional, unchanging, unrelenting. I love just as I fight, never ending and unceasing. You cannot stop this love anymore than you can stop the ocean from rising when it fills with the clouds tears. My love will overflow into you, just as my tears will spill onto your shoulder.